Spanking Junkie

Do u ever look around & just wonder where the hidden camera is in your life? I do, all the time.

We are definitely finding that this lifestyle (meaning the DD relationship & the 'kink') is not one you can just jump right into. It seems like things are even more compounded & frustrating due to the additional adult residing in this house.

We are having to do everything (w/ regard to spanking) in such an 'unconventional' manner. We r having to begin with the 'quiet' implements. This means that we r trying to learn to do everything from warm up to discipline & everything in between w/ canes & other implements of the kind. Because of the severity of the implements we r having to use, we must b very careful & proceed with even more caution.
We are not new to 'spanking' but we are new to 'SPANKING'. Meaning: We have never ventured far beyond hand swats or a plexi glass paddle during minor role play (i miss that paddle :-p). I have yet to b pushed to my real limits...although I did have an amazing, mind blowing experience recently with D/s sex (different post, all together).


Another problem w/ having to use the most severe implements is that I have a high pain threshold so, now Jase has to acclimate himself to everything that goes along with spanking & discipline PLUS how to get the desired response without actually 'injuring' me...
That's just so Jayden & Jase... How hard is it to spank someone¿ In our household, it's nearly impossible!

It's just the irony of things. When our marriage was on the brink of total destruction, we had NO ONE to disrupt anything. We had the kids, but once they went to bed, it was just the 2 of us. Of course, @ that time it didn't matter bc we could barely stand to be in the same room together. We didn't talk, we didn't communicate & we certainly weren't engaging in any sort of physical contact!
During the day, the kids were @ school & we didn't have the 6th. Child (who is not actually our biological child & will soon b returning to the care of the mother).
We had all the privacy we could've asked for.
Oh, what DD could've done for us then¿!
Anyway, as fate would have it, we have discovered & agreed on something that is already having positive effects on our marriage. We have finally admitted to the whole spanking kink. Our marriage is more open & honest than ever before. Our love & desire for each other feels the way it did when our relationship was brand new.
But... Now, we have a baby that is home & awake all day (going down for a nap usually right b4 the kids start getting in from school). & another close family member that is always here, keeps crazy hours & is up ALL night long!
Now that our entire relationship is on an upswing, we have NO privacy! I know our relationship only stands to get better, if we could ever practice this lifestyle we have chosen. Sometimes I feel like we are just going through the motions.
Sometimes the frustration is just unbearable. I have had @ least 2 emotional 'melt downs' over the frustrations of everything.
I well deserved 'discipline' for my tantrum(s). I didn't act out on purpose, But once it started, there was really no reason for me to stop bc there were no repercussions d/t lack of privacy.
We were able to engage in a brief 'stress relief' spanking once, following my 1st outburst (much later after the outburst).
Unfortunately, I deserved way more than stress relief! It was however a great release for both of us.
I was already @ the breaking point & near tears by the time I positioned myself across his lap. I felt horrible for what I'd done & I felt stressed & just miserable in general.
I really expected way more (I REALLY, REALLY deserved way more). He was so nice about everything, even gave me a pillow for my head. I can't really elaborate about the feeling, I remember the sting & I definitely remember that Rattan loop (Jase's favorite to use when we have a brief moment... DAYUM! It is a real attention grabber!)
I was so broken & upset that my body really couldn't flench or tense @ all. I was so in need of this that my body couldn't even offer involuntary protest. I would feel the intense sting but it felt like my entire body would just absorb it. Like I deserved it, I literally welcomed it! It did feel good to have a reason to cry.
I was a little sore the next day, but by no means was it more than I could handle, perhaps because I was so upset.
I don't even know how long it lasted or how many strokes were given.

@ one point, I remember Jase saying "Wow! This really is a stress reliever." (a day or so later, I thought about it & giggled to myself thinking "wow! I'm sure glad he wasn't any more stressed than that! ")
@ the time that he made that statement, though I remember feeling like I'd just gone completely limp.
Like any tension or resistance that remained in my body literally disappeared with his words. Like his acknowledgement of HIS stress relief was the final release for me.
I honestly don't know how long he let me stay across his lap after he finished, but I fell asleep there. Comfortable, even in what should b a most humiliating position. I wasn't humiliated, I wasn't vulnerable. I was comfortable, safe, secure & stress free. I remember him waking me so I could get up. We kissed goodnight & exchanged 'I love yous'

I can't remember the last time I had such a sound, peaceful sleep. I felt so refreshed, & dealing with the BS @ work that weekend was so much easier.
I don't know what it is, exactly, but I crave that closeness, that comfort, that release. Now, I feel almost like a spanking junkie. It just seems so unfair that we are making these positive changes & adjustments within our marriage, but the time & privacy constraints r adding a degree of additional stress.
Now I feel like I/we literally NEED @ least routine spanking, for the stress relief, but we can't. Now, Knowing the kind of stress relief a spanking offers it is even harder to go without because I know what I/we are missing!
That is so our story, though. Murphy's Law!
Spanking is like a drug & I'm a freaking junkie, now! Who Knew!!!