Thursday, March 22, 2012
Working out the 'Spanking Kinks'
It amazes me that you can spend 20 years with someone, know every inch of their body, know what they are going to say before they say it, know all of their likes and dislikes (or so you think)... but still not truly know them!
It is just as amazing to me that you can feel so comfortable with someone, you can share your most intimate secrets with them, but still be afraid to admit certain things.
It seems that this is not uncommon, especially as it relates to discipline in a marriage.
I am an educated professional who is in a leadership position & has to be in charge and strong in the workplace. I am a grown woman, I am the person that others come to for advice, help or just an open ear. Yet I feel I need to be disciplined by my husband?!?! I need guidelines & consequences. I need to be reminded and reprimanded. I need the release of having been held accountable for my selfish and destructive actions. Recently having come to the above realizations I felt so alone! This isn't exactly something that you can discuss with your girlfriends over a margarita. How in the world was I going to bring this one up to my husband? What was he going to think of me? How was I going to discuss it... I can barely say "spank" without blushing... but honestly, our marriage & friendship were teetering on the edge with so much of it being because I'm a spoiled rotten brat with control issues. (ugh! That sounds bad! But I don't really know how else to put it.)
I started searching the internet & came across 3 sites that have really helped us begin this transition. I have never so much as commented on any of these blogs, yet I feel like they are my 'friends'. They have no idea how reading their blogs have taken away those feelings of uncertainty & loneliness & I am very appreciative for their openness and honesty. These blogs are Learning DD, Come Play with Me & Finding Sara.
I finally mustered up the courage to begin introducing the concept of discipline to Jase. I started by introducing him to Spanking Erotica by Sarah Thorne. Her writing is great! I figured if he didn't have a problem with the idea of spanking, etc. then we could move forward.(We have always enjoyed a little erotic spanking. But we've never been involved in any REAL spanking). He was more than accepting. So, I sent him links to Finding Sara & finally to Clint over @ Learning DD. This last one was a pretty drastic step. I mean Clint goes into a lot of detail about discipline spanking. Hmmm...I realized just what that would mean for me... could I really give up that much control? Spanked to tears? WoW! I try my hardest never to cry. But, I trust Jase, & I know that he loves me and would never truly hurt me, so I am willing to give myself over to him.
Relief to learn that Jase thinks discipline is a good idea. A little shocked to learn that he has previously thought about discipline in our marriage, especially during some of my infamous bratty Jayden tantrums!
So, here we are still working on the 'agreement'. We've both been learning and accepting a lot about ourselves and each other. I am finally able to admit just how wicked I can be (admitting that I am wrong is the HARDEST thing for me to do).
This has been a little confusing because depending on where you go and what you read, there are varying opinions with regard to DD & erotic spanking. Some don't believe that people who 'enjoy' spanking can have a true DD relationship. I feel almost like I'm in a 12 step program... 'Hi! I'm Jayden & I'm a spanko...but I'm a total brat that needs true discipline!' (From my husband only. If anyone ever reads this... I don't need or want random offers!)
Obviously changing a lifestyle is not something that can happen over night. I am able to see positive changes in myself and Jase already. Just being able to admit to specific wants and needs is such a relief. Now, we have to work out the kinks w/ regard to separating the erotic & just because spanking from the discipline spanking.
I truly believe that there is a difference in discipline spanking and spanking for other purposes. Honestly, the idea of discipline scares the hell out of me... especially when I realize just how frequently I do and say things without thinking. I'm a little nervous that I'm gonna be in 'trouble' quite a bit @ first. I don't want to upset my husband to the point that he feels he needs to administer a discipline spanking. But, if I anger, disappoint or hurt him to that point, then by all means, I want the punishment (because I need to associate consequence with negative behavior). I'm also really nervous about how I will handle a discipline spanking. Obviously, the severity & circumstance is completely different. Not to mention, I'm afraid of exactly how much it will take to get me to the point of 'catharsis' or release. I've got myself so conditioned NOT to cry, I'm scared of what this is going to mean for me... I think Jase said it best when he said "you are worried that your physical is going to give out before your mental". Damn me for being such a strong willed person!!!
The next 'spanking kink' we are working to overcome are the 6 kids and the additional family member residing in the not nearly spacious enough house! We literally have someone in the house with us 24/7. I've been researching 'quiet' spanking implements. Yikes! seems that the ones that produce the least amount of noise on contact are also the ones that are the most severe...