What I Want from a DD Relationship: How I explained it

This is the 2nd. entry that I wrote in my journal before I decided to blog.  I don't know why, but for some reason I have a very hard time discussing certain things.  I don't know why, but asking for discipline is very hard for me (to verbalize).  Admitting to enjoying erotic spanking is difficult for me (to verbalize).  For some reason even the word 'spank' seems to sound all distorted when it comes out of my mouth.  It is also very, very hard for me to admit when I am wrong.  I found that once I wrote my 'self psycho-analysis', I learned a lot about myself.  We had started to discuss DD as well as our 'kink', but it was still somewhat uncomfortable for me.  I was able to put on paper all the things that I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words.  Then, I read them both to Jase.  @ one point, I even began to cry, something that is really uncomfortable for me.  I found that after I was able to actually read aloud to Jase  all of the things that were very hard for me to verbalize, it was like an awakening.  It is now so much easier for me to discuss.  Once again, these were my private expressions to my husband, I hadn't planned to share.  So, please excuse the fact that I am definitely NOT an English major!  

My Self "Psycho Analysis"

I've decided to go ahead & post some of the things that I'd written in my journal before I decided to start a blog.  I'm not very good @ writing, & I pretty much suck @ grammar, so it's nothing fabulous.  This first journal entry that I titled "My self psycho-analysis" was my way of actually admitting to & accepting some of the more painful events in my life. Understanding how these events truly affected me & ultimately who I am or who I sometimes pretend to be. I realize that this first one especially,  is rather long, but I felt it was a very important step in beginning a DD relationship. It really helped me & Jase understand a lot about me & why I feel that I/we need this relationship.  By no means, am I an expert, since I/we are in the beginning stages & learning as we go.  I've realized from responses that I've gotten that some people are particularly interested because we are just beginning.  This was one of the biggest & hardest things for me to do, but I'm very glad I did.  It is equally as hard for me to post this, because I am exposing the most vulnerable part myself. Things that are the most painful for me. Things that only my husband knows...
Please remember, when I wrote this, I never intended on sharing with anyone but Jase.  Some of my thoughts are scattered and random, but this was me writing for me. It's all real! So, here goes...

WTH!?!?

OMG! I just spent 2 hours transferring part of a journal entry onto my blog. Unfortunately I'm having to do it from my cell phone. But, I got to a stopping point, hit "publish" & it's NOT here! WTH?! Great! I guess one day I'll get back around to re-doing it! Grrrr!